Hope I see Hope

So, last weekend Hope was supposed to come and visit me, but unfortunately family issues prevented her from coming over for the weekend. Fortunately, she should be coming into town on Saturday. We'll have plenty of time together to help me forget Dawn.

Dawn is Out of my Life

My heart is broken, but as of now (and probably the foreseeable future) Dawn is out of my life. We had a falling out around her birthday, and ever since then we haven't spoken. It's been very rough for me, because in many ways Dawn is my fantasy become reality. I'm hoping that this "phase" will pass, but knowing what I know I'm beginning to doubt it. Perhaps this is where I went wrong, I'll never know. I've always known our relationship to be "mainly about sex." Yet, (just like all things in life) I wanted her to be a part of my everyday life. Before anyone asks, the "falling out" wasn't (necessarily) about this issue. However, perhaps it was a slow build-up? I want to know, but I'm afraid that I'll never know.

Of course, I have other FWBs and lovers, but Dawn has always been "the one" to me. I'm hoping I'll be able to get over her, but part of me wonders if I ever will.

I miss the way she kisses me.
I miss the way her skin feels.
I miss the sound of her voice.
I miss the way she smells.
I miss her smile.
I miss her terribly.

Dawn is the closest I've been in love in 17 years. Hell, I'll just say it. I love her. I always will.

I'm trying to move on, put a smile on my face, but my closest friends have even noticed my unhappiness. All I can say is "I'm fine." Hopefully, I'll be seeing two other FWBs, both whom I haven't mentioned before on this blog, this weekend. One of the FWBs I'll be seeing on Friday as a "date." The other one (who now lives in a completely different state) is visiting, but only for (yummy) sex. The one who lives in another state (I'll call her Hope) is friends with Belle. Belle introduced Hope to me during a threesome a long time ago. Anyway, I'm "hoping" (no pun intended) that Hope's prescense will cheer me up.

Barberella: The Voluptuous

Typically, I'm attracted to curvy but thin women, but I recently have been seeing Barb who is rather voluptuous. She isn't heavy, but she is definitely "big-boned." So, I guess you could say that she doesn't fall into who I'm normally attracted to, but as soon as we grew comfortable with each other I became very drawn to her.

Barb is actually a good friend of Dawn, and we had all actually gone out together for drinks. We all had a grand time, and both Barb & Dawn were getting a bit tipsy. The bar was a typical "hole in the wall" that served up decent margaritas and tequilla shots which (of course) we all enjoyed. After a period of time, Dawn mentioned to me that she really needed to go home. Dawn had obviously drank way too much and was starting to pass-out. Barb & I took Dawn home where I tucked her in and kissed her softly on her lips. Just as I was about to leave, Dawn grabbed my arm and mumbled: "Sorry baby, I really wanted to spend the night."

"It's ok." I said.

Dawn then mumbled something that I couldn't quite understand: "Mrghmmmm bmmmg jealous."

"What?" I inquired.

"Make me jealous." She mumbled.

"What do you mean baby?" I replied.

"Barb wants you. I've been telling her about you, so I want you to have fun with her so that she can make me jealous."

"Ok..." This is the first time Dawn has opened up to me like this. Then again, it could have just been the liquor, but normally she's always been very open about our relationship -- it's mainly only about sex.

"I want her to tell me tomorrow what you did to her, so that I can get jealous and attack you." She responded.

I was a bit off-guard and definitely didn't know how to respond, but I knew she had to get some water in her and into bed. I kissed her softly on her lips and tucked her into bed.

"Good night baby" I whispered. Dawn lumbered off into dream land. She looked so peaceful and she softly breathed in and out deeply, slowly drifting into deep sleep.

I left her apartment and hopped into my car. Barb smiled at me as I revved the car's engine. She looked as if she was going to say something but stopped herself. I then said: "What were you about to say?"

"Nothing. Just thought it was nice of you to tuck in Dawn, you really care about her don't you?"

"I do. She's wonderful." I smiled.

I headed towards her home to drop her off. Barb was silent as I drove her home, but occasionally would look at me. We reached her driveway and put the car into park. Barb opened her side of the door and said: "I know it's late, but I was wondering if you would like to come in and smoke a little?"

"It is late and definitely need to get some rest, but thank you very much." I replied.

"Oh, please, it won't take that long. Besides, I know you'll take a hit of weed before you go to bed anyway."

I sighed. I knew what would happen if I went in. Additionally, even though Dawn wanted me to, I just wasn't really in a horny mood.

Barb interrupted before I could say anything: "I've got some great stuff. It'll only take one or two hits. Come on, you'll sleep like a baby."

"It'll have to be quick, because honestly I'm dead tired." I said back. Barb smiled widely as if she had won some sort of prize. I opened my side of the door and headed towards her home. Barb unlocked the door and let me in.